Disclaimer
The following conversation between a believer and God is not meant to represent a specific theology or theological truth. It represents one believer's struggle and the response that believer represents as God's truth for that believer and that believer alone.

Good morning, Lord. I love you.
Good morning, my son, I love you back.

I want to know about my childhood. I want to know what it was that I was feeling and experiencing. I am not sure what it was. It was like I wanted incredible understanding and empathy. I wanted everyone to know what it was I was feeling. I wanted everyone to fully understand me and give me sympathy because of the pain I was in.
That is a good way to put it but I want you to focus on the here and now. We can explore yesterday only if you use it for the giving of my love to others. Your focus needs to be on the here and now because that is where you are.

I understand Lord. It just seems that my past is like a ghost that continually haunts me. When I went back to meet people from my youth, I had this horrible flashback experience. It lasted for weeks. I did not think I would every get over it. It seemed that I both wanted to be there but I also wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. There was such a conflict.
You wanted to be both recognized and affirmed. These are nearly impossible to achieve in this life. In me, in my love, you are both recognized by me and affirmed by me. So many people come to me with the wrong attitude, for the attitudes people carry are born in sin. As your personal God, I am personal. I know you know. I knew you when you were growing up. I knew you even before you were created. The fact that I know you is both a recognition and an affirmation. I affirm your life as a life full of my purpose, my goals, and my intentions for you. You are important to me. You have no idea how important you are now and how important you will be in the future. I have great plans for you. I have great work for you to do. What I am saying to you I would say to anyone. Some people, a few, are willing to fit their life into my plans. Most other people want to do their own will and not my own. Before you were born, I could see you and I knew what Satan was going to do to you. However, before you were born I also came into your soul and put my stamp upon you. You know this. You knew this even when you were very young. Even when you were very young, you could sense my pull upon your life.

Yes, I did know there was a pull on my life to be good, kind, caring, and understanding. I knew that I was different in how I was in terms of my maturity and personality. I seemed that everyone around me was young and immature. I always seemed old or at least I felt old.
You felt this way because I put my stamp of wisdom upon you. I gave you wisdom and knowledge others did not have. I did this so you would understand things in a deeper spiritual way. Today, I am also putting my stamp upon you.

Lord, I understand about the need for affirmation and recognition. However, in my youth there was such cringing inferiority and shame.
Yes, I know there was. It is never my will to make anyone feel this way. Satan comes in and tries to devastate a person. To some extent, you were devastated, but you had my stamp. You had my pull, or push, or impetus upon you. When you were feeling the worst, I was still there with you. All those times when you wanted to hide or run away, I was there all the time. I am still here all the time. I love you my son. I will always love you. I hold you in my palm and in my heart. I have wrapped my love around you. This does not mean Satan will leave you alone. Satan will do what Satan will do until I conquer the darkness, once and for all. When you went back to see people from your past, you wanted to run and hide but you still wanted to see them and be with them. That is why you felt such conflict. Out of the fire of your pain, I want love. Out of your inferiority, I want spiritual power, wisdom, and understanding.

Lord, I love you. You know I do. How do I ever get power from times in my day when I am powerless?
You are powerless over many things. These times are the times of humility teaching. During these times, you can learn to draw closer to me when you are not as powerless. Every day you must suffer. It is my will that you draw from the suffering rather than letting the suffering draw from you. This is my will for each person. My will is that the times of suffering should be used for my glory. Tough to do. Very, very tough to do. My example on the Cross is to be your example. Christ's suffering on the Cross glorified all the love that I am. Horrible suffering produced glory. Horrible suffering can produce glory in any person's life if they are willing to follow me. You must bear your Cross like my Son carried His. You must remember that you need help to carry your cross. I am here to help you carry your cross. I know you want to re-write your life, but I will not permit you to do this. Like I have told you before, you are too valuable to me as you are. I will not permit you to erase what has gone on in the past. You must live with the hurt.

I do not want to live with the hurt. Who would want that?
Yes, I know. I know your heart and I love you. However, if I let you erase your past or forget about it then you would change. I do not want you to change. I want you to remain in me. I want you to remain in my love and grace forever and ever. To remain in me requires that you be patient which you have some trouble with.

Yes, Lord, I am not patient in my pain.
No one is patient when they hurt. This is a lesson to you. Think about all the people who are hurting in the world and who have no patience. Reach out to them and show them that I am with them, even in their pain.

How can you be with someone in their pain? How can pain and God go together?
Remember that things are not as I would have them be in this life. Someday I will remake all things. I do not want people to be in pain. However, for the moment, I must wait until all things are fulfilled before I can take all pain away. In the meantime, I can still be with you and others when you hurt. It may seem like I am not with you in pain. When Jesus was on the Cross, we shared the agony. I was with Him but He thought I had abandoned Him. Pain in the flesh and pain in the soul separates you from me, but I am more powerful than the pain. I have overcome the world. I have and will overcome the pain if you would submit to me. You must remember that Satan is deceptive. Satan inflicts pain on people to convince them I am not present with them. In the darkness of pain, no matter what kind of pain it is, I am there.

If you are there in the pain, why don't I and others know you are there? If we do not know you are there, what good is it for us to be believers in you?
You need faith. Faith is the ultimate weapon you use against the pain and against the darkness. Faith brings me into your heart. Faith destroys the darkness. However, faith does not always destroy your darkness at the moment you need the darkness destroyed. However, faith does destroy the darkness in the fullness of time. If all people of the earth had faith in me, prayed to me, and yielded their heart and life to me, all life on earth would change. However, people are either without faith in me or do not use the little faith they have. You must use the little faith you have and what you experienced in the past can come to resolution. Your past will not be erased, but you can come to resolution so that what happened to you in the past can be used in the here and now for my work and glory in your world.

Thank you Lord, I love you.
I love you back, my son.